Every where I look, there are lists for how to raise independent, self-sufficient, responsible children. The title usually includes "X" amount of tips to teach your child to master these areas and if you do so, your child will be successful. Recommended ages are generally listed alongside said tips. I've read my fair share and suspect you have too.
Here's the thing, I'm a "SAHM" - stay-at-home-mom. Some would say I do too much, others not enough. I'll be honest, I still make their lunches, wash and fold their laundry and if Rob doesn't get them up and moving in the morning, I do. These are items I consistently come across in articles that folks - from counselors to mommy bloggers - recommend your child do for themselves, generally during the adolescent years.
Don't get me wrong, I'm all for chores. We have a basic chore chart system. It's not "hard core", but something on the wall to remind them of things they are expected to do within our home, as we all live here. Our kids feed the pets, clean up after them, clean their rooms, set and clear the table, take out the trash, roll trash bins from the curb, check the mail, help tidy the house - they're familiar with a broom, dust buster, dish soap and disinfectant wipes, they empty their lunchboxes and backpacks and so forth.
Those other items - especially laundry and lunches and even getting them up in the morning - I'm holding onto them and it's deliberate. I've gotten funny looks and interesting comments for doing so. Yet my stance has remained the same and honestly, I feel more fiercely about it than ever before.
I recently stumbled upon an article that went against the grain. It was titled, "Please Keep Doing Things Your Children Can Do For Themselves" by Angela Mills, a mommy blogger. It put into words what I couldn't quite convey to my own amazing husband, who will periodically ask when I want to have the kids start making their own lunches and do their own laundry.
Before I go ANY further, every family dynamic and situation is different - single parent families, two parents who work, parents who travel, work varied shifts - you get my drift. These individual situations determine how to best operate YOUR home smoothly. I have the privilege of being home and doing the laundry and making their lunches helps our home operate more efficiently - the opposite causes chaos! Yet it's more than that - it's one of my personal ways that I express my love for them.
Growing up, I had the occasional friend who didn't like the crust on their sandwich and their sandwich, without fail, would be crust free every day at lunch. It seemed silly to me. But here I am, the mom of a sweet 'lil gal who can't stand crust. No sandwich crust. No pizza crust. No crust, end or heal pieces on a loaf of bread - from a loaf of pound cake to a baguette, the girl doesn't like crust and NEVER has. She didn't pick it up from a friend or witness it, that's just who she is. I'm convinced that whether or not you like the crust on bread is innate!
Why all the details about crust? Well, every day, when I make Savannah's sandwich, I cut off the crust and at least three days a week, my sweet girl gives me a huge hug and say's thank you for cutting it off. It so easy, yet it means so much to her!
I only have so much time with her - with each of my wild things. Honestly, this school year has been a whirlwind and the baby of the family has completed kindergarten and our oldest has wrapped up his 1st year of high school! How is this possible?!?!
My children will grow to be independent, self-sufficient, productive members of society. But they're only mine exclusively for a mere 18 years, out of their entire life...
So...
I will wake them in the morning whenever I feel like it, as rousing them and kissing their sweet faces really and hearing about their dreams 1st thing in the morning only lasts until their late adolescent years...
I will brush my girls hair as long as she wants, as soon enough, she'll be locking the bathroom door experimenting and creating all on her own...
I will read aloud chapter books as long as they gather around my lap...
I will do their laundry, 'cause frankly, it's easier on me to continue to do it, at least for now, and there's just something priceless about finding the treasures in their pockets as I sift and sort...besides, someday, the empty hampers will represent empty bedrooms...
& yes, I will likely make their lunches 'till their last day of high school and cut the crust of the sandwich bread because, well, I like to do it...love it actually...and I have the gift of being home with them every morning to do this and all too soon they'll be responsible for their own food and lunches...
& maybe someday, when my girl is on a lunch break, and looking at her sandwich, she'll think of me and smile and know that I'm always there for her, even to just take off the crust...
Even now, whenever I go home, I know my mama will make me Texas Chocolate Sheet Cake, No Bake Cookies and Chicken and Dumplings...